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Monday, September 17th, 2007
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1:39 pm - if its a hero you want then just stay here...
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and you go, you live some, you hurt some, walk it all off to a movie ending. and you stayed there, I made up my own story about you. I wondered who you were waiting for, imaged this whole sense of you, and why you were out so late, alone. Just strummin' along in the silence that surrounded you. I wanted to just have that middle scene of that movie I told you about, where we exchanged personas, identities, truths that we found evident or even wanted each other to believe. I wanted clearity without words, perhaps without motion. just breathing to breath for the sake of each breath but having it all mean so much. I thought that you'd never know. I thought that this exchange without any effect would affect my own being while you left without a trace of what I felt. Somehow it turned out to be wonderful. Wonderful doesnt happen here, it always seems to move on, to the next, the new. You left then stayed, and I'm happy that third times work indefinately...even if all we ever have is that exchange.
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| Friday, September 7th, 2007
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8:29 pm - Hiss Roar Bum Butt
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| Saturday, July 28th, 2007
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8:04 pm - roar
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 Find tomorrow, turn the page,
Isn’t tomorrow all the rage? So I came home and I think I just want to read. I glanced over at my “the awakening” by kate chopin, and I love it. I love the words, the lines, the feeling when I get when I read it. I like how the characters slowly turn into another person in my life. Alert, ahem, dork, but still. I miss the feeling of reading and really feeling in tune with characters. When I used to be incredibly depressed, moreso then I have been in a while, I read. All the time. In class, on the bus, on the streets, at my house. And I didn’t like to read. I read because it took me somewhere else. I miss that feeling of being so wound up in something that I forget time and space.
Sometimes Im just a dreamer but I worry about failing all the time, sometimes my heart sings songs that are in the making, your words are taking me to the point of breaking me down, turning my life around. Sorry Im apologizing so much, sorry dear, my heart never overcame your false attempts at passion and life with action, positive reactions of love.
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| Sunday, July 15th, 2007
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7:10 pm - ...
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So you heard, so you knew, that forever meant more than meaning when it cried her last tear goodbye, she made her mind up in time, and sat down, saw life through another window. They were strangers, they signaled dangers only in the most vital signs of life. Here, together, aren't we all company. Yet I sit, thinking it'll only be another hour. So down, so wrong, so gone.
General state: really down. Really fucking down. I cant sleep. I feel excluded from everyone and especially myself. Fucking fuck. I wish I could love myself a little. Even a tad. I just dont see how so many people could be so full of themselves and I really just have no love for myself. I avoid mirrors. I avoid conversations, words, places, people. I avoid myself. I'm failing at life.
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| Saturday, July 14th, 2007
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12:18 am - "cause maybe, you're going to be the one to save me..."
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Here we are now, strangers again Here my heart sounds, will I ever find, Some sense of balance, hope, through this Endless road of fog and poor illustration. I only wanted to say that I was alright. But I'm finding it hard to say I’m stable, Not able, tonight. It is realizing when friendships end and when to not look back. It's not easy but perhaps it's for the best.  |
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| Sunday, June 17th, 2007
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10:56 pm - "I hope you taste of me forever..."
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So hello again. Hello. Yes, ahem. Awho. Who could have knew what would happen or results when all events became translated and lost in a useless waste of time. The error became clearer and shifted beats stamped out sober fleets of wishes and wants. She bleeds. She fucken bleeds. And you stand there tall telling me what she needs. Thats bullshit. This wasteland.
I think Im losing hope and putting up a happy front.
I cant even...
current mood:  blah
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| Thursday, June 7th, 2007
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8:37 pm - "wont you stay awake for me, I dont want to miss anything..."
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So my lovely, so thy loveless, so my heart feels so stressed with underdressed words that froze when said. Because silence mattered all that much. It always does. So I walked around today. And whenever I start to walk I start to daydream about the all. And maybe all I want is for just one person to be all, Youre fuckin' awesome. And maybe all I want is to find someone and think that he or she is, fuckin' awesome. And why cant we all be fuckin' awesome. But it's all perception and ill reflection? There are no guarentees.
Just observing the world.
current mood: blank
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12:45 am - "all I really wanted was a little bit of love to take the pain away..."
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Time: 12:48 am
Day: Now it's Thursday, "it's only thursday, to hell with this day..."
Feeling: hugs would be welcomed
Reading: Always, currently 'Generation Me', etc
Music: Motion City Soundtrack is the band of the week
Too tired to type.
current mood:  complacent
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| Tuesday, June 5th, 2007
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11:06 pm - "your heart is an empty room"
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First entry.
Time check: 11:07.
Day: Tuesday.
Music: life's soundtrack playing aka just general room noise such as the passing of cars on the street, etc.
Feeling: Anti Anti. Indifferent but in a pathetic manner.
So if rain drops were cleansers and cleansers really did more than just clearing maybe cleansers could be the new safety and assurance that needs be. I have no idea what Im discussing. But reason has no reason to make sense sometimes. It is all around us, what you might ask, I might stop and ponder. And respond: All. All is love, all is life, all is killer... Or perception.
This isnt coming out right. So here's a summary. Girl feels off. Girl lives off. Girl becomes off. Girl gets guys off. Guys leave girl off. Girl cuts guys off. Girl shuts life off.
All I really want, my present goal, is to figure out what I want. Once I have it figured out, then I could finally drive myself into action. It's being propelled into being.
We share the same shoes. All is love.
current mood:  restless
current music: life
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